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"Not Close Enough" Rating: G After a long moment, Trip
pulled back a fraction. Eyes closed, he whispered against her lips, “Drop
your shields, darlin’.” “I’m not sure that’s wise,”
she murmured back. “Why not?” He pulled
back further. “You said yourself it’d probably help you.” T’Pol allowed a sigh to
escape because she was, after all, in the presence of her chosen
bondmate. Not to mention she was as emotionally and mentally fatigued as
she'd ever been. She leaned forward again, coming to rest, this time,
with her forehead against his throat. "In our current conditions, it
could prove to cause more harm than good," her voice muffled against his
skin. "You are exhausted." Her light breaths tickled his
flesh. "I am exhausted," she finished
plaintively. Trip nuzzled his face into
her silky hair. "S'true," he agreed softly. They sat holding on to one
another for another unmeasured amount of time. Eventually, Trip broke the
silence. He pressed his lips to the
crown of her head, an unconscious gesture of naked affection. "How
do Vulcans grieve, T'Pol?" he asked, his innate curiosity warring with his
need to give and receive solace. "We meditate,"
she whispered, causing a shiver to run through Trip as her lips brushed against
his throat. Trip pulled back in
agitation, his hand once again cupping her head. "But you haven't
been meditatin', darlin'!" he worried. This time it was T'Pol who
pulled back. All the way back, breaking his hold on
her. Eyes wide in consternation. "How are you aware of
this?" her tone one of bemused frustration. Trip gently grasped her
chin and pulled her focus back to him. His lips twisted into a quirky,
sheepish grin. "I haven't been in your white space in days.
Last time that happened was almost a week ago, when I was sleepin'."
He frowned at her. “Why aren’t you meditatin’, baby? You need
it. You need to grieve!” T’Pol briefly closed her
eyes. “I am unable to maintain my shields while sleeping or meditating.” Storm clouds rose on Trip’s
face. “Do you mean to tell me you haven’t allowed yourself to sleep or
meditate,” anger coloring his words as he jumped up and began pacing the room,
“haven’t allowed yourself to grieve, for cryin’ out
loud!” He wheeled back toward T’Pol, “been lettin’ yourself suffer
just to keep me from bein’ affected by the bond?” He was so mad he could
hit something. Another few seconds passed
before he spun back around and landed on his knees in front of her. “I
don’t wanna be protected, T’Pol.” He grabbed her hand. “I.
Want. You. That means everything that comes with you,
darlin’! The good, the bad, the bond, the stoicism. I want the
superiority complex. The mysticism. The smarts, the beauty, the
frustration, the grief! Call me a greedy human, but I want it all.” Though she concentrated as
hard as she was able, she could not prevent the tears welling in her eyes. Trip met her watery gaze
head-on. “Drop ‘em.” His tone firm and insistent. T’Pol wavered, closed her
eyes. Who could resist this man? He cared so completely. Her
emotional control could not withstand his loving assault. So she dropped
them. And they slammed into her
unprepared bondmate with hurricane force. He gasped and gripped her hand
hard, his eyes closed tight. She felt him start to tremble, watched as he
slipped sideways to sit fully on his bottom, on the deck, leaning against her
legs. He cut off a groan before it could fully materialize, but she knew
he was struggling. “Don’t you dare
raise ‘em,” he ground out through clenched teeth, sensing she was about to do
just that. Oh, god! Her emotions were so huge! Her
grief all-powerful. Her love for him all-encompassing. Her fear of
hurting him. Her frustration. Her shame. Her fatigue.
Again, back to the love. How was she able to hide this from him?
How did she function? Tears escaped from under his eyelids as he tried to
sort through the maelstrom. “Trip,” she pleaded. “No!” He shook his
head. “This is you, darlin’.” “I am hurting you.” “No, baby,” he whispered,
“don’t think that.” His eyes were still tightly closed, his body coiled
tightly against her legs, hand tightly gripping hers. “Just…come down
here.” She didn’t know what it
would accomplish, but if Trip needed her down on the deck with him…she didn’t
hesitate. She ended up behind him as he leaned back into her chest,
curled up into her, snug against her body. She let instinct guide her
into wrapping her arms around his torso. Her left snaked under his sling
to curl around his belly, her right slipped over his right shoulder to grip his
upper chest, pulling him yet tighter against her. She rested her cheek
against his head. And still he
trembled. “Need…,” he muttered. T’Pol rubbed her hand over
his chest, attempting comfort. “What do you need?” “Need to be…closer,” he
gritted out. T’Pol frowned. She
saw and felt the lack of space between them. “We are very close already,”
she stated in bewilderment. “Not. Close. Enough.
Can’t explain it,” he gasped. “Just feel this…overwhelming need…to be
closer.” He choked on a laugh. “I have…no idea… what I’m talkin’
‘bout.” T’Pol was desperate to help
him, but he didn’t want her to raise her mental barriers. She wasn’t sure
what else she could do. Though after a second of thought, she realized
there was. She was just afraid he wouldn’t be willing. “Oh, man!” Trip
moaned. “What just spiked your fear, darlin’?” He clenched his
teeth again. “That one’s a…doozy…whatever it is.” “There is,” T’Pol
hesitated, “one way to be closer, ashayam. My fear is that you will not
want to do it.” “Anything…I trust ya…y’know
that.” Her emotions were simply staggering in their intensity. He’d
really had no idea. “It is intimate,
Trip,” she stressed. If possible, he leaned even
further into her body. “Ya mean…intimate…like the bond?” “More so,” she
whispered. “I will know all of your thoughts. You will know all of
mine.” “Sounds…good…ta me,” he
muttered. “I’m all for it…if you are.” He couldn’t stop
shaking. He just had this compulsive urge to get closer to his
bondmate. He didn’t understand it, and didn’t even try to. “Love
you,” he mumbled. “And I you,” she softly
replied for the first time, no longer seeing the need to hide what he could so
obviously feel through their bond. She gently turned his body around to
face her, propping his back up against her bunk. She felt him panic at
what he perceived to be her withdrawal, as their physical contact
diminished. She quickly moved his legs so they stuck straight out,
climbed over him so she could straddle his waist, tugging up on her robes to
make it possible. Though still present,
Trip’s panic did ease somewhat when she climbed into his lap. They were
now face to face, chest to chest. T’Pol raised her right hand
to the contact points on his face. “Are you able to copy my movement?”
she asked gently. Trip nodded once and raised
his hand to her face. He watched her adjust his fingers to the proper
placement, then watched her close her eyes. T’Pol emptied her mind as
much as she was able, given all that had happened and was happening. “My
mind to your mind…” She felt a stirring in her mind, not unlike their
bond “tingle.” “My thoughts to your thoughts…” The tingle grew to a
buzzing. She was amazed at how much easier it was melding to her bondmate
than it was to Ensign Sato. “Our minds are merging…” She felt his
presence grow stronger in her mind. “Our minds are one.” “Our minds are one.” They spoke the final words
as a single entity as they found themselves standing together in T’Pol’s white
space. Trip was amazed at how much better he felt in just the seconds it
took for her to initiate the meld. He was still being buffeted by her
emotions, but her orderly Vulcan mind was calming them in his own, allowing him
to focus on two things. First, to his great sorrow, he realized that her
grief over losing He walked up and took her
into his arms, enveloping her in a soothing embrace. She buried her face into
his chest, noting that his shoulder was not injured in their mental
landscape. She encircled his waist with her arms, leaning into him
heavily. Trip understood that this
mental T’Pol was holding herself up only through sheer stubbornness. He
placed a kiss to her temple and asked, “Is this white space the calmest place
for you to be? Will it help you more’n any other?” This T’Pol was too tired
and numb to move away from him to answer, so she mumbled into his skin.
“There is one other.” Trip looked into her mind
and found the places that gave her comfort, healing, calm. He knew
immediately when he came across the place to which she referred. He drew
the memory forward and, seconds later, they found themselves in T’Les’s garden,
at T’Pol’s family home on Vulcan. He led her around to the
terrace where meditation pillows were set up, then helped her sit down.
Rather than taking a place across, he moved around to sit behind her, his legs
bracketing her hips, his hands on his knees. T’Pol approved
whole-heartedly of this arrangement, even allowing herself to lean back into
him. Trip moved his arms to
encircle her tiny waist, pulling her deeper into the vee of his legs. He
placed his lips to her ear and whispered, “What are you so afraid of? I’m
feeling all this fear from you, and it’s the only emotion of yours I don’t
understand.” T’Pol turned her head to
the side in order to look into his beautiful blue eyes. “I fear
overwhelming you, hurting you. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to keep you
from harm.” She placed her hands over his. “You are my chosen
bondmate,” she finished softly. Bemusement crossed Trip’s
face. “Darlin’, you’re in my mind. You can tell you’re not hurtin’
me. True, I was overwhelmed earlier, but you can tell that’s better,
too. There’s no logic in being afraid of something that’s not true.
There’s nothing to be afraid of. That fear is what was makin’ the rest of
your emotions so staggerin’. You cut that out, we can deal with the rest.” T’Pol just looked at him,
assessing his comments, realizing his truth. Slowly, she saw the logic in
his words, and the fear receded. Once that happened, she felt Trip sigh
in relief as her mind calmed considerably. He squeezed her
middle. “Better. I think the only thing left to process is the
grief.” T’Pol sadly nodded.
“That will take time.” Trip reached up and ran a
finger down her cheek. “Always does, sweetheart. No more skippin’
sleep or meditation, ya hear?” T’Pol’s lips
twitched. “Agreed.” Trip looked around the
terrace. “Kinda nice here, T’Pol. Never told you, before, how much
I liked your home.” T’Pol tilted her
head. “It pleases me, as well.” His blue eyes
twinkled. “Know what else is nice?” She just raised an eyebrow
at him. Which he absolutely adored. And she knew it! Because
of the meld, he discovered that she knew how great a kick he got out of her
zingin’ him with an eyebrow. Trip chuckled. “You
were right, darlin’. This is intimate. And I like
it. Kinda wish we could be like this all the time.” “You would miss your
engines,” she dryly replied. He just chuckled
again. “Ya know what I mean.” T’Pol tipped her head again
in agreement. “There is a way to maintain this connection after the
meld.” Trip’s eyes gleamed.
“How?” he eagerly asked. “The telen.” “The Bonding?” Trip
saw T’Pol’s surprise. “Translatin’ Vulcan’s easy when I’m in your mind,
T’Pol.” “Indeed.” She looked
deep into his eyes and explained, “The telen will form a permanent
mating bond between us. It will make the bond we currently have
permanent.” “You mean it’s not
already?” he puzzled. “No. It can still be
severed by a Vulcan priest, but the telen will strengthen it to the
point of being unbreakable. You would be bound to me for the rest of your
life.” She tightened her hold on him. “I would always know all of
your thoughts. You would always know all of mine. You would never
be alone in your head again if the bond becomes permanent. The telen
would turn what we have into a full-fledged mating bond.” Trip grinned.
“T’Pol.” “Trip.” To her consternation, he
began chuckling. “Are you asking me to marry you?” T’Pol’s eyes widened.
For such an illogical human, his thought process was amazing. Her gaze
dropped away from his. “By Surak’s standards, I suppose I am.” She
rubbed her hands across his in nervousness then peeked up at him through her
lashes. “Will you?” Trip just gifted her with
the tenderest of expressions. “Oh, yeah. Heck yeah.” T’Pol’s face softened, and
Trip had no trouble seeing the joy in her eyes. She turned within the vee
of his legs so she faced him, throwing her legs over his. She lost
herself in his gaze, falling into the pool of blue. Her love for him
filled the space around them. She reached up and placed her hand over his
heart. “Parted and never
parted…never and always touching and touched.” From her mind, he
understood he was to repeat the vow. “Parted and never
parted…never and always touching and touched.” And from her mind, he
understood that by Surak’s teachings, they were now wed. He smiled
sweetly at his wife. “I love you, T’Pol.” T’Pol nodded. “And I
you, Husband.” Trip grinned and pulled her
to him, wrapping her up with his arms and legs. Unable to contain himself
he looked up at the mental sky and shouted in joy. T’Pol cherished his
happiness. She leaned in and kissed him, lingering for a few moments. “Hey, T’Pol?” Trip mumbled
against her lips. “Yes?” “When I said I had an
overwhelming need to be closer?” He felt T’Pol nod. He sighed in
exquisite pleasure. “This is what I meant.” T’Pol pulled back and
cupped his face in her hands. “Husband, you will never
again have cause to claim we are not close enough.”
The story continues in Saying Goodbye...as well as...Hello. |
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