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"Five Weddings (and a Funeral for My Sanity)"
by Lady Rainbow

Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em. Don't make money off 'em.
Notes: Okay, I made up the funeral ceremony. I figured Denobulans wouldn’t bury their dead as a rule because of the limited land space on their planet. Mettus does something, well, unorthodox, that turns his traditional family upside down...and may squick some readers out, so be warned.

Deroceras reticulatum is the Latin name for the gray field slug. And yeah, it’s as gross as it sounds.


Five

“Funeral services have always given me the creeps.”

Bernhard glanced at Johannes with a look of agreement. “The Irish have the right idea, I must admit. A party and a celebration of life.”

Lailah’s quiet tone startled him as she appeared, unnoticed, at his side. “Is that not disrespectful to those who mourn?”

Bernhard chuckled and shrugged. “Some would say yes, Lailah, but others prefer to remember the deceased as they were when they were alive. They gather and share stories about their achievements and their triumphs. It eases the grief and the pain.”

“We do that as well,” remarked Treesal, who leaned on the wall next to Johannes, “but the ones who adhere to the old traditional ways do not approve.”

The four of them watched as the crowd gathered in Phlox’s Sickbay. The Jupiter Station engineers and technicians had already installed the new imaging chamber and one of the newer biobeds. A thoughtful carpenter had installed shelving along the walls, effectively doubling the storage space. Feezal’s electron microscope sat in a place of honor on the counter, while Lailah’s contribution, new surgical instruments, were tucked away in the drawers.

The menagerie rustled and squeaked at the presence of so many people. They sat on cushions on the floor, with the principal mourners along the wall and seated behind a low table adorned with candles and flowers. The other guests sat on the other side of the table. The normally clean, sterile Sickbay walls were draped in burgundy and dark blue silk. Incense wafted through the air and tickled Bernhard’s nose.

He surveyed the crowd with a careful eye. Azkiel Phlox’s family sat in their places, impassive and stern. The women wore flowing gowns, while the men had on simple tunics. One young man in particular startled him; he was a spitting image of Phlox, down to the bright blue eyes, but a scowl turned the corners of his mouth downward, and he glared back at Bernhard.

Was gibt’s denn? Was ist sein Problem? What the hell’s his problem? Bernhard was confused for a moment, then he realized that Lailah had linked her arm through his. Treesal was whispering something in Johannes’s ear; he nodded and replied to her question. The young man’s scowl turned into a full-fledged glower.

Uh-oh. He was about to tell Lailah to step back a pace or two when a gong rang, once, twice, three times. Bernhard glanced at the back of the room, where Lieutenant Commander Malcolm Reed stood at watchful attention. Reed nodded at Bernhard, all business. Bernhard moved to his position, closer to the line of mourners, while Johannes took his own position between the table and the crowd. Thankfully, Lailah and Treesal joined their mother at the back of the crowd.

The tension increased as Bernhard saw the one lone female Human sitting between Feezal and Zariel. Hoshi Sato-Reed knelt there on her cushion, dressed in a black silk kimono decorated with white cranes. One of Azkiel’s daughers—Yutis, Bernhard remembered—had requested Hoshi’s presence. Aside from the Security detail and Hoshi, no other members of the Enterprise crew were permitted to attend. Even Captain Archer had to avoid Sickbay for the duration of the ceremony.

Then Azkiel rose up from her cushion and moved to the low table. She began speaking in Denobulan, her voice rising and falling in cadence. Bernhard didn’t understand it, but it sounded like some kind of invocation. It carried through Sickbay, loud and clear. She finished her introduction, the gong rang, then she nodded at the back of Sickbay, towards Phlox’s office.

Her three husbands filed in, carrying three jars covered in Denobulan script. Phlox held the largest one between his hands, then Kannik carried a medium-sized one, while Groznik had one the size of his palm. With solemnity, the three men walked up to Azkiel and the low table. Phlox placed his jar in the center of the table and arranged the other two next to it.

Urns? They look like urns, Bernhard thought. The realization made him slightly nauseous as he added, I suppose their Matriarch would want to attend her own funeral ceremony? Denobulans cremated their dead, as opposed to burying them. He understood the reason; there was literally no room on their continent for cemeteries.

Phlox began some kind of litany, gesturing towards the urns, and Azkiel punctuated it with a loud wail. It was some sort of signal for the entire crowd to scream and wail in grief. The intensity of it surprised Bernhard; he was stricken by the tears that streamed down Hoshi’s face, though she didn’t participate in the wailing.

Then one of Azkiel’s clan—the young man Bernhard had seen earlier—jumped to his feet and stalked towards Phlox, Kannik and Groznik. He shouted something that was barely heard over the caterwauling, but whatever it was, it definitely was not part of the ceremony. Phlox’s eyes widened, even though he didn’t miss a beat of his litany. Kannik looked scandalized and Groznik’s face turned a bright shade of scarlet.

Bernhard looked over at Johannes, who had crept closer to the front of the room. Neither man drew out his phase pistol, but Bernhard put his hand on his on his side. Malcolm leaned against the locked Sickbay doors; no one could leave without getting past him. Bernhard hoped he and Johannes wouldn’t have to pry Phlox and the young one apart. The last thing they needed was a fistfight in Sickbay.

At least we’re in the right place for it. After all, the bandages are in the cabinet behind me. Bernhard winced at the thought. Please, God, don’t make me have to use them.

Before anyone could stop him, the young man grabbed the largest urn and shattered it on the low table. Azkiel shrieked in surprise as a fine mist erupted in front of her. Bernhard was about to tackle the boy to the floor, but then he crumpled into Azkiel’s lap, sobbing as if his heart had burst in sorrow. Phlox immediately knelt and threw his arms around them both.

The sudden silence hung as heavy as the ash that floated in Sickbay.

Bernhard blinked, then exchanged a look of stunned astonishment with Johannes. They both looked towards Malcolm Reed, but their chief seemed as confused as they were. Malcolm coughed and waved smoke from his face. Finally Groznik turned back to the crowd, his voice taut with grief.

“It is over,” he said in English. “The Matriarch is now part of us all, even those who knew her not. So it is and so it will be.” Groznik eyed the huddled forms of his wife, husband-in-law and second-son and his features softened. “The Matriarch will live in us and her spirit will bless this place and all those who enter. May this be a lesson in healing of hearts and souls, which is appropriate for a place of healing the sick and weary.”

Groznik raised his eyes and stared directly at the other two young men sitting next to Azkiel’s daughters. An unspoken challenge flashed among the three of them. Bernhard felt the hostility flare as the older of the two got to his feet and walked towards the exit.

“Let him go, Lieutenant Commander Reed,” Groznik said, his deep voice still tightly controlled. “He has decided not to join the family, as his right.”

Malcolm stepped aside and touched the door controls. The man glared at him and strode out without looking back. His companion followed in short order. Neither of Azkiel’s daughters seemed to be upset at their abandonment.

“Let us remember our Matriarch in our own way. Let us heal, let us love.” Groznik drew himself to his full height and marched out and the Denobulan crowd quickly dispersed with little fanfare. The two daughters knelt next to Phlox and wrapped their arms around him.

Lailah appeared at Bernhard’s side again. “Leave them; nothing will happen to them here.”

Malcolm appeared on his other side and said in a low voice, “Mess Hall. You and Johannes. Now. We need to let the air recyclers clear the area.”

Bernhard nodded and followed Malcolm and Lailah out of Sickbay, but he glanced over his shoulder at the quiet mourners behind him.


“All right, will someone please explain to me what the bloody hell just happened?”

Hoshi put a hand on her husband’s arm as he coughed slightly. Captain Archer had ordered Sickbay and part of E Deck isolated until the ash cloud dissipated. Luckily, it didn’t cause any health concerns for the Humans involved with the ceremony.

She sighed and laid her head on his shoulder. “We just witnessed a first for Phlox’s family.”

Feezal nodded, her face unwontedly serious. She sighed and rubbed her cranial ridges. “You must understand something, Malcolm: Azkiel’s family is quite...orthodox in their traditions. What her son, Mettus, did was quite extraordinary. He scattered his beloved Matriarch’s ashes in the most surprising of places: Phlox’s Sickbay.”

Malcolm looked sick to his stomach. “Does this mean she’ll be a permanent resident?”

Zariel chuckled and shrugged. “In a way, yes.”

“Bloody brilliant. I’ll be breathing in her ashes every time I’m stuck in there.”

Hoshi shook her head, but her eyes danced with humor. “No, you won’t. It’ll dissipate in time.”

“Wonderful.”

Feezal continued her explanation.“When Mettus did that, he freed her spirit, so to speak, in a place that he felt the Matriarch would thrive. His father’s Sickbay. The other two urns will pass to him because he was the closest to her, so she will always be with him too.” She sighed. “Mettus and Phlox have been estranged for ten years, Malcolm. Ten years, and Azkiel was powerless to stop it, as were the rest of us. In one fell swoop, he exorcized his own demons, freed the Matriarch from her limited attitudes that held her in this plane, and reached out to his father at the same time.”

“So you’re saying that the Matriarch will have a change of heart, um...metaphorically speaking?” Bernhard asked.

“She’ll watch and learn and see that Denobulans and Humans can be friends,” Zariel said with bright grin. “Either that, or it’ll irritate her no end, and she’d can’t do anything about it.”

Johannes chuckled. “Look at it this way, Lieutenant Commander: at least Mettus didn’t break the urn in the Armory.” He shared a grin with Treesal, one that touched off alarm bells in Bernhard’s mind and one that made Feezal’s smile widen.

They all laughed, but sobered as Bernhard said, “So...I assume two of the weddings won’t take place.”

“It seems that way.” Zariel sighed. “Idrmu and Kiritan...well, I never thought they were suited for either of Azkiel’s girls anyway. Too serious. Too proud. Too inflexible.”

“Too much like a r’dughat,” Treesal added. “That’s the slime under your shoe.”

Treesal!” Feezal said with mock horror.

She shrugged. “Sorry, Mother. Deroceras reticulatum. A slug harmful to crops, which leaves a trail of slime that has some interesting biochemical properties...”

Treesal!” That came from Johannes, who sputtered with mixed revulsion and mirth. “God, you’re hilarious!”

And Bernhard saw the amused look that passed between Malcolm and Hoshi and the knowing look that passed between Zariel and Feezal. Oh, verflucht! Perhaps there will be a wedding after all, just not one that we expect. Johannes, you crazy idiot. He glanced over at Lailah and thought, Now that I know what their plans are, how am I going to get out of this one?

An idea formed in his mind, but he was going to need some help.


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