Counting Down to Zero by Rigil Kent Rated: PG … mild language and adult situations. Disclaimer: I own a big fat nothing.  Not my hopes.  Not my dreams.  Nothing. Genre: Drama, Episode Addition, Romance Summary: "Countdown" episode addition.  For Sub-Commander T'Pol, twelve hours is an eternity... Z Minus Four Her attempt to meditate was a spectacular failure. Staring at the flickering candle, T'Pol exhaled in frustration and abandoned the effort to center her turbulent thoughts.  Suppressing the urge to throw the candle across the darkened room was more difficult than it should have been, and she rose to her feet with a decided air of annoyance.  It was ironic, she thought bitterly, that the same emotions she was now struggling to contain had seemed less intense only an hour earlier.  Only in the presence of the most emotional man she had ever known did T'Pol feel fully in control of herself.  If she had a sense of humor, it would have been funny. The chirp of the door annunciator startled her, and T'Pol took an extended moment to compose her features into a stoic mask.  She had no desire for him to see the difficulty she was having.  He would undoubtedly become concerned, which would lead to uncomfortable questions being asked, questions that she still didn't have the answers to, questions she might never have the answers to.. "Enter," T'Pol said once she was satisfied that no trace of her struggle was apparent.  She blinked in surprise as the door slid open to reveal Phlox.  A kernel of disappointment swelled within her; she'd expected ... no, she corrected herself: she'd hoped that it was Trip.  "Doctor," she said by way of greeting as the Denobulan entered her quarters.  The door closed behind him. "I apologize for my intrusion, Sub-Commander," Phlox smiled.  "But I wanted to see how you were doing."  He produced his handheld scanner from behind his back, and T'Pol raised an eyebrow in mild confusion.  "Mister Tucker told me that you appeared ... out of sorts when you left his quarters.  He was worried and asked me to check on you."  T'Pol frowned slightly at that, even as she felt an irrational surge of warmth at the commander's concern.  She hesitated only for a moment, before nodding for the doctor to conduct his scans. "It has been a difficult night," she revealed softly.  His knowledge regarding her addiction made him the logical confidant. "I'm detecting subnormal activity in your nucleus accumbens," Phlox stated off of his scans.  He gave her a knowing look.  "Have you been experiencing depression or anxiety?"  Even as T'Pol opened her mouth to point out that a Vulcan did not suffer such things, the doctor was amending his question.  "And please don't insult my intelligence by claiming that you don't experience emotions.  We both know that is inaccurate."  His eyes were penetrating, and T'Pol nodded. "Both," she admitted.  "It has made meditation ... difficult." "I should say so," the Denobulan commented.  He extracted a hypospray from one of his pockets and began adjusting the dosage.  "This will stabilize your dopamine levels for the time being," he stated, "And should allow you to meditate."  The hypospray hissed softly as he applied the treatment.  "Have you gotten any sleep?" he asked.   Instantly, the memory of how comfortable she had felt while lying in Trip's arms flashed across her mind's eye, and T'Pol looked away from the doctor.  Even though he was aware of her illogical affection for Tucker, she found that she could not meet the Denobulan's eyes.  Her ears heated in mild embarrassment when she caught the flicker of amusement that crossed Phlox's face. "Yes," T'Pol replied.  The doctor chuckled slightly as he studied his scans once more. "You should feel better now," he declared, and indeed, she did.  For the first time in several days, T'Pol felt closer to her old self.  It wasn't perfect, of course, but she suspected that reaching her whitespace would actually be possible now.  "I wish you had come to me before your withdrawal symptoms got this out of hand," Phlox said with a frown.  "You are still recovering, Sub-Commander, and ignoring what your body is telling you can't be logical." "You were busy with the wounded," T'Pol argued, even as she realized it was a poor explanation.  A part of her still believed that she deserved the discomfort.  It was a way to punish herself for her failures that had led to the deaths of fourteen crewmen and officers, a self-inflicted penance for her contemptuous actions.  She recognized the sentiment as devoid of logic, but couldn't find it in her to ignore it. "That's no excuse, T'Pol," Phlox glowered.  "And you know it."  He shook his head in disgust.  "You and Commander Tucker are more alike than either of you want to admit," the doctor grumbled in annoyance, prompting T'Pol to raise an eyebrow in surprise.  "Can I presume that you still haven't told him?" Phlox asked. "No," she admitted softly. "You need a support base, Sub-Commander," the doctor reminded her.  He frowned as he studied her.  "If you wish, I can tell him about your addiction," Phlox offered. For a moment, T'Pol seriously considered it.  It would make things so much easier if Trip knew why she had been so wildly inconsistent in recent weeks, and it would allow her to avoid an uncomfortable conversation that she really didn't want to have.  She had no desire to see the anger in his face when he learned of what she had done, or – even worse – the disappointment.  It would be so easy to let Phlox do it... "No," she replied firmly.  Trip deserved to hear it from her, not from an intermediary.  She had already been weak enough, and allowing Phlox to tell him would only be another failure on her part.  "Thank you for the offer, Doctor, but I will tell him at the appropriate time." "Of course you will," Phlox muttered.  He glanced at the still burning candle.  "I recommend that you try to meditate," he said, his tone making it clear that this was an order coming from the chief medical officer, and not her friend.  "If you need anything, contact me at once." "Understood."  T'Pol hesitated for a moment as the Denobulan turned toward the door.  "Doctor."  He turned back to face her.  "Why did you contact me earlier?" she asked.  He smiled. "Internal sensors informed me that you had not been in your quarters for over five hours," he revealed.  She blinked in surprise at that. "You were tracking me?" T'Pol asked tightly, not entirely comfortable with this discovery. "Yes."  Phlox shrugged.  "After you told me about the trellium, I needed a way to monitor your recovery."  His expression darkened slightly.  "And to ensure that you did not suffer a relapse.  There are certain locations on Enterprise that I now keep under very close scrutiny." "Cargo Bay Two," she realized, and he nodded before offering another half-hearted smile. "Try to meditate," Phlox ordered, before opening the door and departing her quarters. Back to Chapter 4 Continue to Chapter 6

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