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"All Things Considered"
Rating: PG Customs (7) Archer, Trip, Hoshi and T’Pol stood in front of the docking hatch, waiting in a quiet, solemn line. The hatch opened and two men dressed baggy pants and shirts and wearing long coats stepped onboard Enterprise. Following him were seven scantily clad men and women. All nine aliens had light tan skin with dark brown or black stripes running down their bodies like tiger markings. Hoshi glanced up at Archer, saw he wasn’t going to comment on the way the aliens were dressed, and looked away without a word. One of the two men spoke and Hoshi quickly used the Universal Translator to aid her in deciphering more of their language. The translator suddenly revealed a word and she swallowed. The word couldn’t be right. It had to be wrong. But as the translator and her own ear began to translate more words, she suddenly realized there had been a huge misunderstanding. “Welcome aboard Enterprise,” Archer said, extending his hand. The two men looked at each other, apparently confused. One reached back, grabbed the arm of one of the men behind him and pushed him in Archer’s direction, saying something. Archer looked down at Hoshi. “Hoshi?” Archer said. Hoshi looked up at him as soon as what the man had just said was translated for her. Her stomach tensed with contempt at the thought of having to translate what was said to Archer. “What’s wrong? You look like you’re about to throw up.” “Just a moment, sir,” Hoshi looked at the aliens and began talking. Archer noticed the men began to show signs of agitation and Hoshi’s face began to reflect more worry. “Hoshi?” “Just a minute, sir,” Hoshi said and kept talking. The man that had shoved an alien at Archer stepped forward stepped forward, motion both to the alien and Archer. Hoshi shook her head, quickly replying. He pointed at Trip and the three heard her refer to Trip as Trip and then to T’Pol by name. She continued talking, starting to use more hand gestures in her spoke. Archer watched her hold her hand up in a gesture that clearly identified a child and then motioned to Archer. She motioned to both T’Pol and Trip and then made a joining of her hands. “Hoshi,” Archer said, “what’s going on?” “Hold on, sir,” Hoshi replied and continued talking to the two men. All of a sudden the two men made a face that read they understood clearly what she was saying, looked at each other and laughed. The man grabbed the one he’d pulled forward and pushed him back with the others. Hoshi smiled, looking relieved and continued talking. She motioned to the aliens behind the two men and then back through the hatch, followed by a motion from the two men to Archer. “Any ideas what they’ve just spent twenty minutes talking about?” Trip asked Archer. “Not a clue.” The man smiled and spoke to the aliens behind him. They seven returned to their ship. He looked at Archer and held his hand out to Archer. Archer smiled and shook it. The man spoke to Archer and Hoshi translated. “He apologizes for the confusion but he would be happy to have dinner with you. He admits that this is a nice looking ship and while he doesn’t understand our customs, he thinks his government would be pleased to know more about our species.” The man said something else that Hoshi didn’t translate, but replied to. He nodded, clapping Hoshi’s shoulder. “What confusion? What about our customs? And where are the others going?” Hoshi looked up at Archer and he watched her cheeks grow crimson. “Could we maybe talk about that later? In private?” “Why?” “Please. Sir,” Hoshi said through her teeth with a tight smile. Archer looked at the men and then Hoshi. “T’Pol, show them to the dining room. Tell them Hoshi.” Hoshi translated and the two men followed T’Pol down the hall, talking with each other. Archer looked down at Hoshi. “Well?” “Sir, I really don’t want—” “Spill it, Hoshi,” Trip said, “You used me and T’Pol’s name in that whole tirade so start talkin’.” Hoshi blushed and it grew deeper as she explained the situation. “The ship’s designation translates to a pleasure ship. They travel around and for a fee they offer the workers on the ship to whomever wants them.” “Their prostitutes?” Trip asked. “Basically.” “And they thought that’s why we contacted them?” Archer asked, starting to find humor in the situation. “Yes.” Trip grinned. “I know some crewmen that would have went for that.” “Not aboard this ship!” “It would have been really awkward anyway. And I doubt most, if any, of the crew would have ‘gone for it’, Commander.” “Why? What else was wrong?” Archer asked. Hoshi ducked her head, crossing her arms under her breasts. She drew in a slow breath. “In their culture and many other cultures in this area, men mate with men, women mate with women, and reproduction is done in labs. Like I said, it would have been awkward.” Archer and Trip stared at her. Hoshi looked up at Archer. “And if I ever have to translate that, or explain that, to another alien as long as I live I am going to die of complete and utter embarrassment, sir.” Archer smiled. “It wasn’t all bad, was it?” Hoshi responded with a stern look. “What was with the kid motion?” Trip repeated the gesture she made. “Oh,” Hoshi looked down, “That.” “Oh that?” Archer asked. “They wanted to offer you free…uhm…” Hoshi blushed again. “I hope you don’t mind, but I talked your way out of it by saying that you had a daughter, Captain. He asked if you had a wife and I told him she passed away recently. He retracted the offer.” “Hoshi!” Archer said, smiling. “I’m sorry, sir! I didn’t—” “Hoshi, it’s fine!” Archer laughed, “Thank you. That was quick thinking and I appreciate it, Hoshi. I’m just surprised you were able to come up with that.” “And what about me?” Trip asked. “He offered free use to the senior staff and I explained that T’Pol and Trip are mates,” Hoshi looked at Trip, “I tried to explain you were dating, sir, and he didn’t get it. I just told him you were mates so he would drop it. And then I explained to him that Lieutenant Reed was mated and had two children. I told him that we really were a ship of exploration, just not that kind of exploration, sirs.” Archer and Trip were both laughing too hard to reply by the time she finished. |
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