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"Leap of Faith" by A. Rhea King
Rating: PG CHAPTER 4 Archer entered a dark mess hall and spotted Malcolm sitting next to a window staring into a steaming cup he hunkered over. Archer walked up. Malcolm saw him and began to rise, grimacing from pain when he stretched his burned skin. “At ease,” Archer quietly told him as he sat down across from him. “I thought Phlox confined you to your quarters, Malcolm.” “Cabin fever, sir.” Archer nodded, noting Malcolm’s more-than-usual somberness. Phlox was worried about him. He had come to Archer a few hours ago and asked him to speak to Malcolm. For several days Malcolm had told him he didn’t know how to deal with losing crewmen under his supervision, and tonight he had mentioned resigning because of it. So here Archer was, drawing circles on the table top with his finger, trying to decide how he was going to address the issue. “I saw Hoshi while I was looking for you. She said she saw red today. Well, pink, actually. I don’t know which of us is happier that her blindness is only temporary.” Malcolm frowned; almost scowled. He dipped his chin, hiding his face from Archer. A tear land on Malcolm’s hand and Archer looked away. ‘I can’t do this. I know exactly how he feels.’ Archer told himself. He drew a breath and reminded himself, ‘That is exactly why Phlox sent you, isn’t it, Jonnie? You know exactly what he’s going through.’ Archer turned his focus back to Malcolm. “According to your report, you didn’t detect Vispeyn gas in the tunnel you were in.” Malcolm lifted a glare to Archer, spitting, “No!” Archer resisted growing angry in response by repeating the last thing Phlox had said, ‘He needs someone who cares about what’s going on in his head; someone who isn’t going to let a good officer slip away because of an accident. Be firm, but with a gentle hand. Don’t let his hostility encourage an argument. That’s only his guilt you’re seeing, not anger.’ “Hoshi’s report stated that the Vispeyn gas level rose suddenly, without warning. She didn’t think it was natural.” “Not natural? What else would have caused it? The explosion was so strong... Deep.” Malcolm looked back at his cup, his face reflecting the pain the memory brought with it. “T’Pol suggested that the previous occupants might have set mines or traps. Perhaps the explosion wasn’t even Vispeyn gas, Malcolm. You aren’t responsible for Hoshi’s injury or those two crewmen’s death, any more than your own burns.” “If it was a trap, then I should have made them continue thorough scans. Not having found anything for two days, I allowed them to lax with their procedures. I am responsible!” Archer leaned on the table, hoping Malcolm would look up, but he didn’t. “Malcolm, it wasn’t your fault. Regardless of whether it was gas build up or man-made, you had no control over the situation.” Through gritted teeth he snarled, “I was the senior officer. I should have been more attentive! That was my duty!” “They were trained off-world geologists, Malcolm. They’d trained on Denobula and Vulcan. They should have known to continue scanning.” “And I should have checked that they were.” Malcolm’s voice was shaking from his building anger. “I am the senior security officer, Captain! I’m supposed to protect them!” Archer paused, realizing he was giving into Malcolm’s ugly stubborn streak. It always made his own temper flare, but today he couldn’t let it do that. Archer mentally counted to ten, and with a calmer mind, continued. He sat back in his chair, crossing his arms. “Then you’d probably better submit a complete report. You should know better than to leave anything out, Malcolm.” Malcolm finally looked at Archer. “My report was complete!” “No. It wasn’t. You didn’t tell how you were able to predict the volcano erupting. Was it an alien device? Did someone visit you from the future and tell you? Course, if you knew, you should feel guilty, and this whole thing is your fault. Tell me, off the record, how did you know that was going to happen?” Malcolm didn’t answer. “But that wasn’t the case, was it, Malcolm? You didn’t know; the situation was beyond your control.” Malcolm didn’t reply, his eyes drifted back to his cup. He flexed his shoulder, catching his breath when he did. Archer wondered if he didn’t do it on purpose to hide that look he always got when he had something to say. “I’ve lost over sixty crewmen. Malcolm. I keep a list of their names; would you like to read it? I do every week so I never forget them, so I remember what I’ve learned from my mistakes.” Malcolm’s emotions re-appeared; he was shocked by the information. “For most of those deaths,” Archer continued, “I am to blame. Most of those crewmen I intentionally put in jeopardy because there is no other choice, and they knew it, yet they never questioned my orders. We all knew going to that planet had risks because of the tarinium or Vispeyn gas, but your crewmen served under you anyway. And the danger that killed two of them you couldn’t foresee, and unlike going to red alert under attack, there was no warning for any of you. But more importantly was that in the end, you did what a good senior officer should do; you kept your wits about you and saved the two remaining crewmen against all odds. You made me proud, Malcolm.” Malcolm looked at the floor. A new look, a new emotion, came over his face and this one Archer could deal with. Acceptance. Had he struck a chord in Malcolm, finally? After a long silence, Archer decided their conversation was finished. “Good night, Lieutenant Reed.” Archer stood, walking toward the door. “I’m the senior security officer,” Malcolm began. Archer stopped, turning. “What?” Had he misread Malcolm’s expression? Malcolm looked up at him, continuing. “I am to protect this crew from danger, sir, including your decisions sometimes. I feel like I should have foreseen it, and somehow protected those two from death and Hoshi from being blinded. I feel responsible and that I must justify being inept in my single most important duty to Lieutenant Schaffer and Ensign Jackson’s families when I write them.” “I already wrote them condolences. They go out tomorrow.” “How could you have? You didn’t really know them, did you?” Archer returned to his chair. “Did you?” “Ensign Jackson was excited to be on a real alien expedition, not on Vulcan or Denobula, not somewhere other people had been. He wouldn’t shut up the whole way there and then for the first five hours we couldn’t get a word out of him, he was in such awe. And he loved his wife; every meal he talked about her. Lieutenant Schaffer sat up with me the first night, retelling his war stories. I never imagined an off-world geologist would fight so much, but apparently not all aliens are keen to the idea of someone poking around their planet. He was proud of his son. The boy is graduating with a master’s in off-world geology next month, following his father’s footsteps. They have to know all that.” “You don’t have to justify being unable to protect them, Malcolm. Just share with their families their last words, things like that will help their loved ones get through this hard time. I’ll expect the condolences by the end of your shift tomorrow. Take the day to write them if you need to.” Malcolm nodded, looking at his cup. “Perhaps you could put the men on your list?” Archer leaned in, watching Malcolm look up. “No. I won’t do that. They belong on your list, Malcolm. You cared about them, and you knew them. You should never forget them.” Malcolm nodded. “Good night, Malcolm.” “Good night, sir.” Archer walked away. As he stepped out of the mess hall, he thought to himself, ‘Malcolm, one day you will be an amazing captain.’ |
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