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“Intimate Research”
Rating: NC-17 Author’s Note: This is the first serious prose story I'd written in a long time, and I was helped immensely by my beta, Distracted. It's set sometime between Stratagem and Harbinger. I’d also like to think of this as a lead-up to enterprikayak’s “Coitus Experimentus”. T’Pol entered her quarters at the end of a refreshingly uneventful day. It was the first time in far too long that hostile aliens hadn’t attacked the ship or that some other mishap had not befallen the crew of the Enterprise. Even this region’s unusual anomalies had not posed a danger recently. The end of their mission seemed within reach now. The location of the weapon had been found, and now that a course had been set, there was finally time… T’Pol sat down at her computer terminal and activated it, looking through her messages and writing an itinerary for the next day even as she reflected on the events of the last year. She was a civilian now, having resigned her commission so she could accompany Enterprise and its crew – her crew - into the expanse. T’Pol allowed herself to look at her “uniform”, a reminder to herself of how much her life had changed since she was first assigned here precisely 32 months ago to the day. She had resented her assignment to the human vessel then, and resented humanity’s insistence to push out into space far more quickly than they were equipped to handle. Fascinating how time can change perceptions. Now, she was a part of the crew, and it was a testament to how much the crew had grown to accept her as one of their own that they accepted her as the first officer of their ship, as if nothing had changed, though legally she had no right to act as their superior officer. T’Pol’s thoughts inevitably drifted to Tri… Commander Tucker, T’Pol corrected herself. He epitomized how her relationship with Enterprise’s crew had evolved. Though when she had first met him, she had thought of him as an excellent example of humanity’s shortcomings, he soon proved himself to be much more than that. So full of contradictions, Commander Tucker was fascinating. He could be as passionate as an Andorian, as stubborn as a Tellarite, and as logical as a Vulcan, simultaneously. And he knew exactly what buttons to push when it came to T’Pol. The Delphic Expanse had changed their relationship. Whereas once T’Pol considered Commander Tucker to be a trusted friend and valued colleague, T’Pol found herself thinking more and more about … other possibilities. The Expanse had changed her. Meditation and sleep had not come easily to her since Enterprise had entered the Expanse. Even then, emotions she’d been able to carefully control and suppress began to seep their way to the surface. Again, Commander Tucker factored heavily. She grieved with him for the loss of his sister, but the man had grown stubborn and seemed to feed off of negative emotions like anger. He had closed himself off to her. Their relationship was almost back to the point they had first met. He resented me. T’Pol had suspected that her Vulcan … colleagues had provoked that response from him. She had reacted almost as negatively because of how the man had seemingly forgotten that she was not like her “colleagues.” Commander Tucker’s insomnia had presented her with a unique opportunity. At first, Doctor Phlox’s proposal had surprised and disturbed her. As a member of the interspecies medical exchange, he should have known better than to suggest neuro-pressure as a treatment. Vulcans avoided such intimate contact, except for those closest to them. But T’Pol’s concern for Commander Tucker’s health had outweighed her anger at the situation. Anger!? Even then, her emotions had been seeping through her control. Doctor Phlox’s suggestion of neuro-pressure had brought up a memory from her first mission on Enterprise, when Commander Tucker had unwittingly … stimulated her. Even as she recalled how difficult he had been, she remembered how pleasing it had been to feel his hands on her back, and how they had ventured just under the back of her panties. She remembered the sensations coming from him as well, the turbulent emotions she’d felt as his skin touched hers, even through the decontamination gel. T’Pol barely suppressed the urge to gasp as she recalled how his fingers had felt as they explored her ears. Why the fascination with my ears? She had taken the opportunity then to do the same to him, but clearly it had not had the same effect on him as he had on her. The neuro-pressure was another way she had “put the shoe on the other foot” with him. Commander Tucker had taken any and every opportunity to tease her, to try to get an emotional response out of her. She had returned the favor other times, but her attempts had always been somewhat clumsy and otherwise ineffective. Yes, the expression on Commander Tucker’s face had been most satisfying as she had finally found a way to tease him back during their first neuro-pressure session, and to test him at the same time. Did he remember touching the back of my neck? T’Pol wondered if Commander Tucker had remembered rubbing the back of her neck over two years ago, and had connected it with the first place she had instructed him to press during their first session together. She blushed a light bronze as she chided herself again, thinking of her lapse in control as she had actually let herself express the pleasure she had felt at his touch. Did he even notice the Triaxian Silk? T’Pol doubted he had, being far too nervous at the situation in which she had placed him. As much as she continued to chide herself for it, remembering the look of shock on his face as she had removed her top, and again as she had scolded him for suggesting that she was propositioning him brought her a sense of satisfaction. It had been dishonest of her, but it had been her intent to place him in that situation, to test him. Why does it please me so to challenge him? She knew he could not resist the urge to prove her wrong, and she was correct. Her patronizing words had exactly the effect she had wanted, as he had stayed, and taken his own shirt off. She knew he had enjoyed it, that he had been pretending not to for reasons she could not understand. She could feel his pleasure, his pain, through his cool skin, and the emotions she felt coming from him had excited her. It is wrong, illogical. It is heresy to my people and my culture to have such thoughts! “But your people have rejected you. Why shouldn’t you reject their morality?” She imagined he would say, if she ever told him about the conflict she felt. It is my culture; it is part of who I am, she would say back to him. She closed her eyes, could see him rolling his tongue along the inside of his cheek the way he did when he was thinking or getting frustrated. “Seems to me that you haven’t really decided who you are yet. I’ve already seen you do things that no other Vulcan would even think to do.” He was right. T’Pol hung her head slightly as she switched her computer off. She remained seated. Ever since the incident at P’Jem, T’Pol had started to do things that no other Vulcan would ever consider doing. She had broken off a betrothal, at his advice. She had chosen to remain on the human ship. Perhaps he was already far more perceptive than she had been willing to admit to herself at the time. Perhaps she was lashing out, rejecting the Vulcan way of life because of what she had seen at P’Jem, and how she had been treated for being little more than an unwitting participant in exposing the listening post that should not have even been there. She had tried human foods. She had touched food with her bare hands. She had enjoyed it. The peach. She had savored its flavor, as well as the expression on Commander Tucker’s face as she’d taken a bite out of it, its juices running down her throat. It had been a gift, for missing the neuro-pressure sessions she’d come to enjoy. It was the first overt admission that he enjoyed the sessions himself, and that he had begun to move back away from his apparent distrust of her. He had also shown that he was sensitive to her sense of smell, but by then she was used to his sent. Their relationship had improved. It was not long before rumors surfaced that they had developed a romantic relationship. Commander Tucker had shown concern for her then too, but she was not worried about the ship’s “gossip.” In fact, she was already considering the possibility of a romantic relationship with the human, curious about the challenges that would be involved in what to her knowledge would be the first such relationship between a human and a Vulcan. She had actually given him a hint of that, but he had missed it. In many ways, she was frustrated that he had not taken the lead at that point, as she still felt it would be inappropriate for her to initiate anything. She had meant to coax him into acting at their next session, but unfortunately Rajiin had interfered with her plans. T’Pol suppressed a shudder. It had been the third time that she’d been violated that way. It gratified her to know that Commander Tucker had come to her rescue. Thankfully, he had been punctual for their session that night. “You were just afraid and didn’t want to admit it,” her phantom Tucker teased. She could very clearly see the smirk on his face as her face tightened and she gave the man a glare in her mind’s eye. It was the truth though, T’Pol finally admitted to herself. It was her own fault that she’d driven Commander Tucker away after his close call. At the time it had indeed frightened her to her very core to think that this frustrating man to whom she’d become very close might die and disappear from her life forever. The pain and fear that she had felt were only intensified when Sim confessed what she already knew were Commander Tucker’s feelings for her. The clone had provided a unique opportunity for her. She knew he was destined to die, so she had let herself go. She had kissed him. It had been electric, and it also might have been her only chance to express her feelings for Commander Tucker in a way that he would definitely understand. The kiss. A human kiss. T’Pol was frightened of how she had been changing ever since she had discovered a way to bring her emotions even closer to the surface than she had ever imagined possible. It was invigorating. She finally understood the humans around her better. She was getting along with them better, especially the one she cared most about. It was dangerous. The phantom image of Commander Tucker was replaced by an image of herself from two years ago. T’Pol raised an eyebrow as she thought of how much she had changed in such a short period of time. “You know this is causing you harm. You saw what it did to the Vulcans on the Selaya.” This is different. My exposure is under controlled conditions. T’Pol’s phantom, younger self raised a disapproving eyebrow at that. “The result is the same. Are not your emotions having more of an impact on your actions, the emotions which nearly destroyed our people until Surak brought them logic?” My interactions with the crew have improved- “Indeed, your interaction with Commander Tucker has improved to the point that you are rejecting almost every facet of your own culture by pursuing a relationship with him.” She frowned at how judgmental her younger self seemed to be. “What makes you think he would ever accept you as a mate? What makes you think you could ever reciprocate his feelings if he ever expressed affection for you?” I do reciprocate his feelings! She responded more harshly than she had intended. “Than you are even more illogical than I initially thought. Emotions are dangerous, especially the one humans call ‘love’.” She grew angry with her younger self. What would you know about love!? You would have allowed yourself to marry a man you knew almost nothing about, hoping that affection would develop over time! “That is what it is to be Vulcan. Duty always takes precedence over personal gratification, just as logic takes precedence over emotion. A Vulcan does not allow emotion to control decision-making, a Vulcan controls emotion.” I can control these emotions! “Like you are controlling them now? Like you were controlling them when you gave him a human kiss?” T’Pol looked down at her feet, unable to meet the gaze of her more logical self anymore. The kiss. It was another variable in her experiment, or so she told herself. She had been experimenting with the more intimate emotions that were evoked by Commander Tucker. She had started conducting research in human intimacy not long after she began experimenting with trellium to bring the emotions she had for Commander Tucker closer to the surface, so she could experience them more fully. She had read this “Kama Sutra” eleven times, and each time she found what was inside more and more fascinating. She had even incorporated parts of it into her neuro-pressure sessions with Commander Tucker – positions, sensual massage, intimate touch. She had wondered what it would be like to do more of what was being demonstrated by the human models in the recent edition she had of the ancient publication. She had gotten her chance to experience one of those things by kissing the clone. She had carefully selected which kiss to give him just before she had gone to his quarters, hoping no one would see her. She wanted to experience more, even though she was now afraid of the emotions Commander Tucker provoked within her. He was so fragile. What if she bonded to him only to be left alone soon after, robbed by an injury that Doctor Phlox could not repair? Even if he lived to the end of his natural life, she would still be left alone, deprived of a mate by the short life span humans possess. It is not fair! “It isn’t fair to me either darlin’,” she heard her phantom Commander Tucker say. “Just as we were startin’ to have something, you shut me out.” T’Pol looked up with liquid eyes to see him again, but she could not respond. “I have needs, T’Pol,” he continued. “I’ve tried gettin’ through to you, but I’ll only wait for so long.” I want to do more, but I can’t. “Why not?” I just can’t! Frustrated, T’Pol turned her computer terminal back on, and quickly accessed her latest research. She was sure her more logical self would not approve of her watching human pornography, but she told herself it was all part of her exploration of the human concepts of intimacy and sexuality. She watched the human woman take the man’s erection into her mouth and suck on it as she stroked it with one hand and cupped his testicles with the other. She tried to watch from a purely scientific viewpoint, but the sounds the human man made reminded her of the sounds Tri…Commander Tucker had made during their last neuro-pressure session together. She could imagine him making those sounds if she were doing to him what the woman on her screen was doing. Oral sex fascinated her. It had a kind of forbidden draw to it. It was illogical. It served no reproductive purpose. Vulcans did not consume animal matter, which semen clearly was, and this did not include the psychological implications of taking the flesh of a man into her mouth, and the pleasure she would derive from that. She did not even know what about it appealed to her. Perhaps it was the idea of how she imagined it might feel to have him in her mouth, his cool, slick, wet skin sliding over her tongue, between her lips. Or it could have been that she would have him at his most vulnerable, holding his most delicate, most sensitive part between her lips, and that she could give him such powerful pleasure with so little effort on her part. Maybe it was a combination of both. The man on the screen grunted again as he came close to his climax. T’Pol imagined that it was Commander Tucker, imagined that it was her giving him this pleasure. “Why don’t you ever call me Trip? My friends call me Trip, and you’re more than that to me.” It is a "nick name." It would be improper for me to refer to you by a name that is not yours. “You’re not exactly being ‘proper’ right now darlin’” The ghost of a smile graced her lips as she imagined him saying that, even if at the back of her mind she was ashamed of the impropriety of watching pornography and conducting her “research.” I will only call you by your given name. Her eyes glittered as she looked at her phantom. Charles. He gave her that special smile he seemed to reserve only for her. “I guess that’ll just have to do.” She felt a familiar tingling sensation between her legs, usually elicited by Charles’s presence. She’d only felt it one other time, when she had experienced a bout of Pon farr brought on by a microbial infection. Fear also welled up within her, but she could not resist the lust that burned inside of her, magnified by the effect of the trellium injection she’d given herself at the beginning of the day. She closed her eyes and savored the feeling. She let her right hand slide across her clothed belly, down to her covered sex. She rubbed her fingers in a slow circle over the cloth that covered her. Opening her eyes, she saw him on the screen. The blonde-haired woman leaned back slightly, letting him out of her mouth. She increased the movement of her hand over his shaft. His hips began to buck uncontrollably. With a gasp he came, ejaculating all over the woman’s face. Illogical. T’Pol noticed that about pornography. Almost all of it featured the man finishing in this manner, but she couldn’t help but wonder what it would feel like to have him finish in her mouth, what it would taste like, what he would taste like. It was the woman’s turn. She laid back and spread her legs, opening herself to him and inviting him to return the pleasure she had just given him. The camera focused on the woman’s sex, which was shorn almost completely of the hair that she’d seen other human women possess. She noted the differences between human and Vulcan anatomy – they were somewhat similar, but she was definitely different from a human woman. She closed her eyes, concentrating on the sensations the movements of her fingers were creating. She felt herself moistening to her touch, and imagined that it was his fingers doing this to her. “What’s that you Vulcans are always saying? Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations?” She heard him say. “ Looks like a perfect example of that now.” My differences do not bother you? “Just makes you that much more interesting, darlin’. I’d love to explore our differences a little more.” T’Pol opened her eyes and saw herself on the computer screen, offering herself to Charles. He gave her a smile, and then lowered his mouth to the junction of her thighs. She let a soft gasp escape her lips. His hands ran over her legs, until one joined his mouth, and the other explored further up her body. She felt a cool hand on her taut belly, making its way to her breasts. Her nipples tightened as the phantom hand teased them. Her breathing became heavier. His tongue and his other hand explored her, seeking out all the differences from that of a human woman. A finger traced the outside of her labia and she let a soft sigh escape her lips. She rubbed herself harder, imagining that it was his tongue taking broad strokes over her folds before exploring inside. There was a ridge that encircled her opening that contained thousands of nerve bundles that all screamed with ecstasy at the pressure her fingers were putting on them. She stopped watching what was on her computer terminal. She didn’t need it anymore, because she could see him kneeling before her, her legs open for him as she sat in her chair. She could feel him. A soft moan escaped her lips as she let her head fall back, her eyes closing as the burning grew more intense. Her fingers increased their tempo, almost moving of their own accord as T’Pol’s phantom Charles pulled at her with his lips, teased her with soft bites, and eagerly lapped at her freely flowing juices. She couldn’t tell if the loud moans were coming from the woman still on her computer, or from her own lips, but she no longer cared. She was close now, only a little bit longer… Trip! Her body rocked with her orgasm, her inner muscles flexing and rippling as she was overwhelmed by euphoria, the sensation of her first orgasm overwhelming her body and her mind as her juices soaked her panties. She gasped for breath as she wound down, the afterglow taking hold of her. “Thought you said you’d never call me that.” T’Pol saw the twinkle in his blue eyes as the phantom teased her. She might have given a clever reply, or at least given him an annoyed glare, if she had the ability. She became aware that sweat covered her body, soaking through her uniform in places. Her panties were especially sticky and wet, making her slightly uncomfortable as she sat back up in her chair. I need a shower. The phantom of Charles now nowhere to be seen, T’Pol turned off her computer terminal and stood up, assessing her body’s current condition, which only emphasized the need to get cleaned up before preparing for the rest of the evening. She had a habit of observing Commander Tucker eat in the mess hall, slipping in and out without him even knowing she was there. Stripping off her uniform, T’Pol threw it into her clothes hamper and walked into her small private bathroom. She entered her shower and turned the water on, letting the warm water soak through her hair and cascade over her body. She wished he was with her now. She would not hold back - not like she knew she would in only a few hours. She rubbed her hands over her body and experienced another emotion - pride. She knew it was vain of her, but she was proud of her body. Her skin stretched over the toned muscles of her slender body. Her hands paused over her taut belly as she unconsciously flexed her abdominals. She knew that Charles liked this part of her. She had caught his eyes lingering over her bared midriff more than once during their neuro-pressure sessions. Her hands slid upwards along her wet skin, coming to her heavy breasts. She cupped them and lifted them slightly, enjoying the sensation before gently squeezing them together. Letting them fall back, she traced her areolae with her fingertips, letting the electric sensations run through her. She could feel hands at the base of her neck, and knew that Charles’s phantom was with her again. His hands caressed her briefly, before moving to her shoulders. He gently turned her to face him, and her desire coursed through her veins again. She touched his chest, his face, looked into his blue eyes and stood up on her toes to hungrily devour his mouth. She embraced him, pulling his body tightly against hers, her hard nipples pressing into his skin, exciting her even more. She felt the muscles of his back, her hands changing position wildly, unsure which part of him to feel, to explore. His hard flesh pressed against her tawny belly, making its presence known. His hands caressed her back, and then moved lower, pressing, pulling, teasing. T’Pol leaned further forward as the water continued to cascade over her body. She braced one of her hands against the wall, and traced her fingers along her firm behind where she still imagined Charles was touching her. Her hand made its way to the cleft between her legs. Probing herself, she traced the lips with a finger, the current running up her body and down to her knees. More fingers joined in, and soon she was moist again. On a whim she plunged one of her fingers inside, running it through her slick folds before pushing further inside. She moaned, imagining what it would feel like to have him inside her. In her mind’s eye, she turned him and pushed him against the wall. He looked at her, confused. She gave him an almost predatory look before swooping in with more kisses. She draped her arms around his back and pulled herself up along his body. Knowing what she wanted, he put his hands under her, helping her to get into position. Taking a step away from the wall, he let her wrap her legs around him. He groaned as she impaled herself on him, slowly taking his shaft inside of her until he filled her completely. She lost herself in the moment, to her fantasy. Her fingers plunged within, first one, and then two… filling her, repetitively stroking from the inside as her opposite hand stroked outside. She pressed her forehead against the cool tiles of the shower wall as she imagined his insistent hips pushing against her, first as her legs encircled him, and then from behind, his arms wrapped around her, his hands caressing her breasts with every thrust. Her hands worked as frantically as her imagination. It wasn’t long before she reached her climax, breathing raggedly as she leaned against the wall. Her legs were trembling, her knees threatening to give out. Slowly, her logical mind began to reassert itself, and she commanded her legs to support her. T’Pol regained her composure and went about taking her shower, but as she lathered herself, she was overcome by the primal urges again. Remembering something she had overheard, she turned the shower knob completely to the right. At first, the cold was shocking, but it had the desired effect, numbing her body instantly and clearing the fog from her mind. It was uncomfortable, but it allowed her to regain control. Finished, she wasted no time in putting on a fresh uniform. Checking herself in the mirror one last time, she made sure that she appeared composed. Then she left her quarters, intent on a meal in the mess hall. As she walked down the corridor, she decided that she must have a conversation with the real Charles … Commander Tucker, but not today. Perhaps tomorrow… END |
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