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"Five Weddings (and a Funeral for My Sanity)"
Rating: PG-13 Eight “Okay, Doc, one more time. I gotta take the Dagger of Truth in my left hand—“ “—right hand, Commander.” “—right hand and saw through the ropes bindin’ the couples’ hands, but I gotta do it in a way that won’t hurt any of ‘em. Then I’m supposed to take the dagger and chop off a piece of hair from each of their heads—“ “Just a lock will do, Commander.” “And hand them over to the Denobulan Judiciary so he can put ‘em in the Holy Fire and pronounce all of ‘em married.” “Precisely. Just make sure you use your dominant hand—your right—to do this part of the ceremony. I know you’re ambidextrous by necessity, but no part of your left hand should touch the ropes.” Phlox grinned widely at Trip Tucker, who seemed nervous about holding the Dagger of Truth. Of course, “dagger” was somewhat of a misnomer; the blade was half the length of his arm. “I just don’t get why I gotta do this and not Malcolm. He’s the weapons expert.” “Because Lieutenant Commander Reed’s the one who binds their hands together in the first place,” Phlox pointed out patiently. “Tradition holds that the one who binds them will always hold them close, even when they are physically apart. It’s bad form to have the Binder be the Sunderer. Some people consider that extremely bad luck.” “Okay.” Phlox glanced across his Sickbay. The Jupiter Station engineers had accomplished a miracle in the past week. All of the biobeds had been replaced, even the one designated for Reed. The new imaging chamber now functioned correctly; Tucker had identified the electrical problem that had eluded the Jupiter Station engineers and corrected it. The walls were now covered with red, orange, gold, and green silks, while the floor glimmered under a layer of silver mats. Candles decorated the shelving and counter tops, while incense smoke wafted from the burners. The various guests sat on thick cushions on the floor. The Enterprise senior staff all wore their dress uniforms or cultural dress. To Phlox’s joy, other members of the crew showed up to lend their support. Somehow most of the Armory team had gotten leave to attend; they all wanted to see one of their own get married. Ensign Liz Cutler and Phlox’s medical staff were there, as well as some members of Trip’s engineering team. He spotted Rostov and Hess over by one of the new biobeds. Rostov’s marking Lieutenant Commander Reed’s place again. How thoughtful of him. Phlox thought so, but judging from the deadly glare Reed was giving them from across the room, the lieutenant commander didn’t appreciate the gesture. “Quite a turnout, Phlox,” Feezal commented as she came up next to her husband. “I don’t recall having this many people at our wedding.” “Well, we have more than one family present, my beloved,” Phlox replied. “True. And our immediate family is going to be bigger.” Phlox’s grin became wider, if that was even possible. “And as Commander Tucker puts it, ‘the more, the merrier.’.” Feezal grinned and said, “How wise of Commander Tucker. Quite wise, indeed.” “For Goddess’s sake, Johannes, stay still.” Lailah pinned the fabric so it lay flat against Johannes’s shoulder. “I don’t want to stick you by mistake.” “Sorry, Sister,” Johannes apologized. “I’m just nervous.” Second Cousin Floos, who had arrived with the Denobulan Judiciary earlier that evening, looked curiously at the Human wearing Denobulan marriage robes. The other members of the clan had updated him on the events of the past few days. Floos’s eyes showed nothing but sympathy for the younger man. “Don’t worry, Johannes,” Floos reassured him with a friendly clap on his shoulder. “You get used to it. By the time your second and third marriage come around, you won’t be so nervous anymore. Technically, this is my fourth, but my other third wife decided to leave, so it really is my third. Again.” Johannes only nodded; he didn’t tell Floos that multiple marriages weren’t the Human norm. Considering how easily Denobulans seemed to dissolve relationships and marriages, he’d worried about Treesal leaving at a moment’s notice. But Treesal’s sweet voice echoed in his mind: Beloved, I will never leave you. I chose out of my own will and my own heart. My heart knows it has made the right choice. At the moment, Bernhard Mueller stuck his head into Phlox’s office. “Fuenf Minuten, Johannes. Five more minutes. Any last words before you walk the plank?” Floos wrinkled his nose. “That sounds painful.” “It’s a traditional thing for your Human groomsman to ask,” Johannes said dryly. “It’s your last chance to reconsider a lifetime commitment—or a lifetime sentence, whichever one it may be.” He chuckled as he turned to Bernhard and replied, “Gott sei Dank, es wird kurz.” Thank God it’ll be short. Bernhard laughed. “The other grooms are waiting for you two. Just don’t stumble on your robe and you’ll be fine.” “Danke, Bernhard.” Johannes reached over and grasped the Bavarian’s arm in a gesture of thankfulness. Bernhard clapped his free hand over Johannes’s and grinned. Then Johannes went past him into Sickbay. Floos nodded and followed. Lailah turned to him and mirrored the smile. He was relieved to see her happy, as opposed to devastated. Bernhard hadn’t wanted to hurt her by refusing to play her marriage games. She seemed to read his mind, for she said, “I am glad to welcome you as a Brother, Bernhard, if you would be willing to accept me as a Sister.” “Of course,” he rumbled, as he placed his hand, palm down, on hers as she offered it, palm-up, to him. He’d seen Yutis offer the same gesture to Hoshi when Yutis adopted Hoshi. “We can still talk about our homes and our dreams, if that’s acceptable to you.” “I would be honored, Herr Mueller,” she answered with a laugh. Bernhard raised his eyebrows at the formal address, then relaxed as he realized she was only teasing him. He offered her his arm and she took it, then they went out to join the other guests. It turned out Johannes was only partially correct. The ceremony was short...if you were a Denobulan. There were chants and invocations, testimonies and stories about the brides and grooms. Malcolm, Bernhard and Hoshi shared some humorous stories about Johannes, specifically about certain Away missions to save a certain accident-and-capture-prone Captain. The assembled crowd laughed and cheered, even as Johannes blushed under the praise. Captain Archer told about how he was a valuable member of the crew, and how Archer was glad to see him happy. Zariel had plenty of anecdotes about her daughter Okrna and son Ghoris; her amazing mimicry and talent for storytelling held the audience spellbound. Azkiel related some events from Second Cousin Floos’s life; Floos looked a little uncomfortable with his second-tier-cousin’s revelation of his childhood antics, but bore it with good grace. Then came the Roster of Witnesses. The Denobulan Judiciary asked Mettus, his newly appointed Trainee, to read the list. Mettus, splendid in his new robes of green and gold silk, unrolled a scroll of parchment, on which he’d painstakingly written every name of everyone who could vouch for the brides’ and grooms’ requests to be married (which basically listed everyone in the room) and Mettus asked each one whether or not they agreed that it was a good idea. “Porthos?” Mettus asked, with a confused expression. The Enterprise crew laughed as he asked, “Um...do you approve?” Porthos, who sat in Jon’s lap, barked once, enthusiastically, much to the audience’s amusement. “He agrees,” Jon said. “They ask their animals for permission?” the Judiciary asked him, sotto voce. Mettus only shrugged and continued down the list. After many gong rings and song interludes later, Phlox was starting to get worried about Johannes. The young man was starting to wilt, and as the third hour approached, Phlox hoped he wouldn’t have to treat his new son-in-law as his first patient in the new Sickbay. Finally, the actual wedding ceremony began, with the Song of Love and Affection. He and Zariel sang the Denobulan version, then Hoshi and Malcolm sang the English version, translated by Hoshi, “May you be joined together, as long as the stars shine, as long as the sun will burn, as long as the wind blows true...May you find peace and contentment, as long as the heart beats strong, as long as the breath comes and goes—“ Phlox realized that he’d never heard Malcolm Reed sing before; after all the Armory Officer was usually reticent, and when he was in Sickbay, usually unconscious. But Phlox thought Reed had quite a nice tenor voice and when he looked into his wife’s eyes, more than one member of the audience dabbed away tears. Phlox couldn’t help a tear himself as he watched Mettus assist in the Ceremony with a steady hand and a calm expression. Mettus helped Reed bind the four couples’ hands with white rope, then after the prayer, Trip Tucker approached with the Dagger of Truth and cut the rope with the precision of a trained engineer. He also cut the locks of hair with a steady hand and gave them to the Judiciary. The Judiciary bound each couple’s hair, then tossed the bundles into the Holy Fire, with an incantation of protection. Finally, after a ceremony lasting nearly four hours, the Judiciary pronounced Okrna, daughter of Zariel and Vennu, married to Pletsin. Then Ghoris, son of Zariel and Bennas, married to Nubrie. Then Floos, second cousin of Phlox and Feezal, married to Anrias. And finally, Treesal, daughter of Feezal and Phlox, married to Johannes Birkenwald. The audience burst into applause and cheers as the various couples did the “smell and greet” for the first time as husbands and wives. Phlox chuckled under his breath at the sight of Johannes bending down to rub his nose close to Treesal’s. Then, as a final gesture in an already unorthodox marriage ceremony, Johannes pulled Treesal into his arms and kissed her soundly...in front of everyone. “It’s gonna be one hell of a honeymoon,” Phlox heard Trip Tucker mutter under his breath. The doctor sighed, rolled his eyes, and prayed for patience. The wedding reception lasted until the wee hours of the morning. By the time the revelers stumbled (or were carried) to their beds, it was midway through Gamma shift. Jon Archer sat in the deserted Mess Hall, along with Phlox, Azkiel, Trip, T’Pol and Bernhard. “So how long will Johannes be on Denobula?” Trip asked. “The usual ‘honeymoon period’, as you call it, lasts three weeks. After that, Johannes plans to return to Enterprise. I believe Lieutenant Commander Reed was glad to hear he’d be returning,” Phlox replied. “The Armory wouldn’t be the same without Johannes,” Bernhard agreed. “But then Johannes and Treesal would be separated, wouldn’t they?” Trip asked again, a worried frown on his face. Phlox smiled at Azkiel “If it’s meant to be, Commander, they’ll find a way to stay together.” “Indeed,” T’Pol agreed. She extended two fingers to Trip, under the table and below the sight of the others, and her husband copied the gesture. Phlox saw it and smiled. Jon glanced as Azkiel, who had shed her mourning garb and wore a bright yellow gown. “Will Yutis and Opur be all right, Azkiel? I noticed that they didn’t attend the reception.” Azkiel nodded and squeezed Phlox’s hand. “My daughters are strong, Captain Archer. They will find mates who are worthy of them and who will treasure them as Johannes treasures Treesal. It is every parent’s wish to see their children happy.” “Indeed,” Phlox agreed. “And Mettus has finally found his place in life.” Mettus appeared at his father’s side as if conjured. “Thank you, Father. I am grateful for all you have done for me.” A shy smile flickered over his lips. “Perhaps we can begin again...and not be estranged?” “I would like nothing less, my son,” Phlox replied as he bade Mettus to sit between himself and Azkiel. She squeezed her son’s and husband’s hands with a sigh of relief. Captain Archer smiled at them and asked Phlox, “So, I take it you haven’t buried your sanity?” Phlox chuckled. “I still have my sanity, Captain, but I’ve also gained some other important things. My family—“ he glanced at Mettus, “and my peace of mind.” |
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