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"Who Woulda Known?" by A. Rhea King
Rating: PG Touché (4) “Sir, I’m picking up a message. It sounds like it’s a repeating signal,” Hoshi reported. “Translate it,” Archer said, looking up at Hoshi. “Yes, sir.” There was a pause of silence. “Well?” Archer asked. “It’s a new language. Give me a couple of minutes,” Hoshi answered. A mischievous grin crept onto Archer’s lips. “Got it yet?” Archer asked. “No, sir.” Archer leaned to the side. He crossed one leg over the other and looked at Hoshi’s back. “Got it yet?” “No, sir. It’s going to take me a few minutes,” Hoshi explained. Trip looked up from his station. Archer’s grin made Trip smile. Trip leaned on his console, waiting to see what Archer was up to. “Got it yet, Hoshi?” Archer asked. Hoshi sighed. “No, sir. Not yet.” Archer nodded. He looked at Trip. Trip silently chuckled. Archer looked back at Hoshi. “Hoshi, do ya got it yet?” Hoshi looked up and back at Archer. Her eyes narrowed when she saw Archer’s grin. “No. Sir.” Hoshi turned back to her work. Archer inhaled and exhaled a deep breath. “Got it yet, Hoshi?” “No. And we’re not stopping for a restroom break either, SIR!” Travis, Malcolm and T’Pol looked up at Hoshi in surprise. Trip muffled a snicker. Archer grinned. “Uhm, Hoshi, do you got—” “If you ask me one more time, I will turn this ship around and we will go home, young man!” Hoshi shot back, forcing back a smile. “But mooooOOOOOooom!” Archer whined. Travis, Trip and Malcolm snickered. “Play with your reports and let me finish this, Captain,” Hoshi said. Archer reached forward and shook Travis’s chair. “HEY!” Travis cried out. “MOM! The captain’s bothering my steering!” “Captain, stop antagonizing your younger crewmen. Travis, ignore him and go back to flying the ship.” Hoshi had to fight to keep a straight face. Travis started laughing, leaning back in his chair. Archer sighed and began bouncing his foot impatiently. “Got it ye—” “That’s it!” Hoshi spun her chair around, looking at Travis. “Travis, pull this ship over this instant. The captain and I are going to have a conversation about his behavior!” Travis burst out laughing, sliding a little lower into his seat as he laughed. “Mom…the younger crewman isn’t pulling over.” Archer pointed to his hysterical helmsman. “I think he’s asphyxiating. No human can laugh like that and live.” Malcolm and Trip burst into howling laughter. Hoshi put her head on her console, erupting in gut wrenching laughed. Archer simply grinned. T’Pol watched the scene with silent interest, returning Archer’s gaze when he glanced in her direction. Hoshi slowly regained her composure and returned to translating the message. “Oh no,” Hoshi said, suddenly serious. The laughter died quickly. “What?” Archer asked. “You’re not going to like this message, sir,” Hoshi said. “That bad?” Travis asked Hoshi. “It’s pretty bad, sir.” Hoshi looked at Archer. “Really bad, actually.” Archer stood and walked to the end of helm. He leaned on it, staring at the view screen. “Is there a visual?” “Yes, sir.” “On screen.” A man appeared on the screen. “Welcome to Harnud’s Mercantile,” the man said. Hoshi and the men started laughing again. “You were right, Hoshi. I’m not liking this,” Archer laughed. “We’ve traveled a couple thousand light years to intercept a television commercial!” Trip laughed. “Cap’n, say it ain’t so!” “…Barter, bargain, trade, buy and sell,” the alien continued, “Bring me your junk, I’ll sell you treasures!” “We should check it out,” Travis urged. “Some of these space merchants actually have useful items, sir.” Archer shrugged. “I guess we could.” “There are coordinates encrypted in the message,” Hoshi said. “Lay in a course, Travis. T’Pol, put together a list of things we have to sell, barter, bargain or trade with.” Archer glanced back at T’Pol. “Yes, sir,” T’Pol replied. Archer looked back at the screen, adding, “Don’t forget to add Nuggets.” Archer started laughing again. “The chicken.” Something hit Archer on the back of the head and he looked back at Trip. Trip was glowering at him. Archer looked down at the rag Trip had thrown at him and picked it up. He walked over to Trip, handing back the rag. “Whaaaat?” Archer grinned. “Would you miss Nuggets, Trip?” “I know Doctor Phlox would,” Trip said. “But would you?” Archer jabbed. Hoshi and Malcolm snickered. Trip smiled a cool smile. He leaned forward on his console so he was eye to eye with Archer. “Yeah I would. But not as much as you probably miss that Diblian woman back on Ursal Minor.” Archer grinned. “Touché, Trip! You have outwitted your captain. I am impressed!” Archer turned, looking at the bridge crew. “Aren’t you four impressed?” T’Pol didn’t answer yes when the other three did. “Aren’t you impressed, T’Pol?” Travis asked, looking back at her. T’Pol looked directly at Archer. “I do not understand why this behavior is amusing to you.” “This behavior is called teasing, T’Pol,” Archer said. “You’ve seen it a thousand times. “It’s in text books all over Earth,” Malcolm commented. “And we do a great job of it too,” Trip grinned, reaching out and ruffling Archer’s hair. Archer ducked his head away. “I was wondering what I was going to do with my hair today.” “It looks great, sir,” Travis said. “Especially with that little bit sticking up in the back there.” Travis showed Archer where the hair sticking up was with his finger against the back of his head “Sort of an Alfa-Alfa look with that little spike sticking up here in the back.” Trip reached out and tapped his hand against the spike of hair sticking straight up on Archer’s head. “Hey, we can’t get rid of Nuggets, sir.” Travis grinned. “She’s a goddess on some planets!” All but T’Pol erupted into a fit of laughter again. Archer recovered enough to walk to his chair and sit down. His laughter slowly ebbed and he was able to sit up straight. Archer reached up and ran one hand through his hair. “Strike the chicken from the list, T’Pol. We can always use a deity aboard.” “Aye, Captain.” Archer sat back, listening to Travis, Trip, Malcolm and Hoshi gossip and laugh when they exchanged jokes. |
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